Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
