great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
