There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
