he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
