I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
