i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
