Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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