So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
