They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
