Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
