I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Bring me that man meat
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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