Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
