I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
