i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
