My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
