My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
