worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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