2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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