If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
