im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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