don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
