nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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