every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
