you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
