worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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