I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
