It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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