Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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