the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
