I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
