I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
