He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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