now i know why i became what i already was.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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