Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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