Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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