tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
