My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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