I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
