There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
