All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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