I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
