So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
