In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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