she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
