Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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