So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
