census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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