my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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