I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
