So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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