6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
