You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
